11. Lot Forty-Nine

"Who will buy? Who will love?

"Found alone, this masturbating wretch with handmade armour of shells and wood, of plastic, satin and lycra. A unique specimen, untouched by bargepoles, curled up in rock this last millennium.

"Entertainment guaranteed! A wonderful pet or ornament! A great talking-point at parties! Equally suited to ladies or gentlemen!

"May I start the bidding at one heart?"